meWe all know that the best night to plan an outfit is actually a night out with friends, so it’s no wonder we talk so much about date night attire. Well, actually it’s not strange at all. It just does what patriarchy does and makes you feel like you see the world from a male perspective. In this case, how the dress looks from across the restaurant table on a date night is automatically an important perspective.
In a fashion context, that doesn’t make sense. I mean, I admit I’m generalizing wildly here, and I don’t for one moment claim to speak for everyone. But my own experience, which I can assure you is quite common, is that when I try to get maximum appreciation for the fashion content of my clothes, it’s on an evening out with friends. Men just want you to look good. it’s okay. But there’s more to style than that. Like I said, I’m generalizing and not all dates are guy-girl anyway, but still, for many women, dressing up for a friend is one of life’s overlooked joys.
On a friend’s night, you can dress up overdressed for pizza, and your friends will appreciate your appearance – your enthusiasm for your company. Or maybe you show up in your work clothes because you had to rush straight from the office. Then they won’t say anything and will just be happy to see you. You’ll get a chance to tell your triumphant tale at length about how you tracked down Vinted in your new leather pants. You can wear completely impractical shoes and no one will roll their eyes when you have to call an Uber to the bar a quarter of a mile away.
Fashion is the love language of female friendship. It is woven into the fabric of camaraderie among women. After everyone involved has had a few spicy margs, there’s no place on earth where compliments can be more generous than in front of the bathroom mirror. I am not sexist. The same may be true for men, but I don’t hang out next to urinals, so I can’t speak to that. What I can tell you is that conversations about clothes are, first and foremost, a mechanism for conveying support and encouragement from woman to woman. If you wear bold clothes, you will get flowers that express your originality. Wear understated clothing and you will be praised for your subtle good taste. Style is a channel of communication.
When women talk about clothes, some features are always mentioned. For example, dresses and skirts with pockets. Reply “It has pockets!” When another woman comments on what you are wearing, this is shorthand for “I have more important things to think about, but I enjoy fashion, and I think I see you as a comrade.” See also: Replying “incredibly comfortable” to an admiring comment about pretty shoes, and underestimating a nice dress by revealing, without asking, that they are 10 years old and from Zara.
But girls’ love language for fashion isn’t just about solidarity, it’s about joy. It’s about clothes you choose because they make you smile, not because they make you look taller or thinner. Of course, it is the clothes that make you truly beautiful. It’s about the clothes that are captured in selfies, the clothes that are cherished not because of what you wear, but because you had a good time with them, and are woven into core memories. A night out with friends who might criticize you for wearing double leopard print, but who will defend your right to do so to the bitter end if anyone says anything against you, friends who know your silly side and your smart side, is the most fun night to dress up. Love isn’t exclusive to date night.
Model: Amaka of Milk. Hair and Makeup: Sophie Higginson using Bumble & Bumble and Refy. cherry earrings£14, bag£46 and heels£44, The entire River Island. top£45.99 and pants£27.99, both Zara