MMost of us are familiar with the “12-week” rule – a long social convention that women should not say “if something happens” to someone who is pregnant 12 weeks ago. It's time to talk about the cunning effects on women who are miscarriage in the early stages of pregnancy.
In the UK, about 650 babies are aborted every day, most of which occur during the first trimester. Most of these losses will be silent. Since it is considered socially unacceptable, you can say that you were pregnant 12 weeks before pregnancy, but now it is not. In 2019, we seem to express aversion to the temptation to seduce fate, which has led to the aversion to tempting the woman to be quiet, to speak and dare, and then to blame for the woman who lost her baby. . The stigma of the legacy can mark you as cursed. Social customs for 12 weeks are full of contradictions. It's good to broadcast the finer details of your daily life on Instagram, but it's criminal anyway to announce that you're pregnant to be friends or family.
As a result, the first trimester is a kind of Schrodinger's pregnancy. You are legally pregnant when you do and do not take folic acid. But when you get a miscarriage, it's often "real pregnancy anyway. Before the dead baby goes to the operating room to be surgically removed from the uterus, the nurses would not know that most women were probably pregnant at that stage until the home pregnancy test was invented. I thought, the legacy was heavy.
My husband and I are definitely grateful for seeing my baby's beautiful heart beat twice before it was miscarriage, but I would have had to go through a lot of symptoms from the early stages of pregnancy and a pregnant pregnancy bag.
We have often heard that heritage is not really a problem because it is really common. The same is true for divorce. But “I'm sorry that my father left you, but I'm really ordinary and can always marry again.” Nevertheless, it can be so lonely for something so common. The 12-week rule persists with the concept that the loss of early pregnancy will be hidden and turmoil should not be avoided.
This establishes a hierarchy of grief that is determined by the stage of pregnancy, ignoring the initial miscarriage as the "ball of cells" and only considering losses that are worth mourning later. But the meaning of pregnancy is very personal, and we can not neatly fit in the lost effect in our own separate box. Ellie Jesky experienced miscarriage on both sides for 12 weeks. "At the moment of being tested positive, I know it can be dangerous and wrong," she said. “You plan and imagine what their lives will be like. And torn completely in that moment is a real loss, no matter how far away you are. ”
As a result of this secret culture and the absence of merciful debate, many women mourned over their miscarriage in the dark and lost weight due to heavy guilt and failure. Desperate for answers other than unsatisfactory explanations such as “it's just one of them”, “natural way” or “not”. Most initial losses are due to chromosomal abnormalities. But according to Professor Arri Coomarasamy, director of the Tommy National Heritage Research Center, less than half of women who repeatedly experience miscarriages find their reasons.
The decision of when, when and how to share fertility, pregnancy and loss experiences should be a personal choice, not a compulsory obligation. Heritage is always a sad reality in many people's lives, but greater understanding and empathy can alleviate much of this pain.
We are starting more public debate about heritage in public discourse. It is our hope that the more we comfortably own the story, the greater the power to seek help at any stage of pregnancy. Dr. Jessica Zucker, a psychologist who is the founder of women's reproductive health and #IHadaMiscarriage campaign, says, “Why don't we try to treat conversation even if we can't cure abortion?”
• Katy Lindemann is the author of the following book, which shares real women's stories about the emotional experiences of infertility and pregnancy loss.
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