{"id":18481,"date":"2025-12-30T14:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-12-30T14:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/umang.pk\/2025\/12\/30\/threesomes-rough-towels-and-lesbian-bed-death-23-of-the-best-sexual-healing-columns-sex\/"},"modified":"2025-12-30T14:00:00","modified_gmt":"2025-12-30T14:00:00","slug":"threesomes-rough-towels-and-lesbian-bed-death-23-of-the-best-sexual-healing-columns-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/umang.pk\/ur\/2025\/12\/30\/threesomes-rough-towels-and-lesbian-bed-death-23-of-the-best-sexual-healing-columns-sex\/","title":{"rendered":"Threesomes, rough towels, and \u2018lesbian bed death\u2019: 23 of the best sexual healing columns | sex"},"content":{"rendered":"
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My wife gave up on the idea of \u200b\u200ba threesome and I was upset.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

My wonderful new wife is everything I have always looked for in a woman. The problem is that she is openly and proudly bisexual. When we first got into a relationship, she even joked that she didn’t want me to get upset when it came time to visit her friends on a girls’ trip. A threesome with a bisexual woman has always been a fantasy of mine. She even gave me permission to go online and look up \u201cunicorns\u201d for us. But when I set up the meeting she didn’t seem to want to follow through with it, so I stopped looking. On a recent holiday, she made a sexual comment about a woman in a bikini, which brought up the idea of \u200b\u200ba threesome again. But she said she wanted to get out of that phase of her life and just be with me. He told me that adding another person would ruin my marriage, and I’m worried that if I date another woman, things will change between us. I am at a loss as to what to do. If she really is bisexual, I worry that if that need isn’t met, she might pursue it without me. My only rule is that if she is with a girl, I am present. Most men would like my situation. Am I making this situation more difficult than it already is?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Listen to your wife. It is true that bringing another person into a relationship can be risky and must be negotiated and managed carefully. And there is no need to protect her bisexual interests. If she really wants to have sex with another woman, she will make that decision herself. Being bisexual doesn’t necessarily mean you’re interested in threesomes. You may think so, but the last thing your wife wants is to include you when she has sex with another woman. She hinted at this early on that she didn’t want you to be upset when she went on her girls’ trip. Your wife may no longer be interested in turning her bisexual fantasies into reality. All of this deserves an honest conversation. Educate her about her true sexual identity by avoiding criticism or judgment, listening carefully, and helping her feel safe.<\/p>\n

My boyfriend and I enjoy sex marathons. But is 11 times a day too much?<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/svg><\/span> Illustration by Hannah Robinson\/The Guardian<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

My boyfriend and I both have extremely high sex drives.<\/strong> We are paired like this. We passed it 10 times in the last 24 hours, surpassing our personal best of 8.<\/strong> By the 11th attempt it was too painful to continue.<\/strong> me<\/strong> I searched for advice on how to reduce the pain or how long it will take to recover if it can cause pain. Do I have a chance?<\/strong> Am I just doing too much to my body?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sex should be enjoyable. If it hurts, stop (unless you like it, of course \u2013 my advice here is not for people who sexualize pain). Sex is not a competition or a game of skill. Consider taking care of your body and pursuing quality sex rather than quantity. You will have much more satisfying sex if you focus on giving and receiving pleasure. Goal orientation always reduces pleasure. Relax and breathe together. What good are bragging rights if your genitals are red? But if you both intend to achieve something, set a goal that purely increases your enjoyment level. It takes much longer to reach orgasm. Try just one amazing sex session over 24 hours. Always stop if one of you gets sick. Then you will see why instant gratification is so overrated.<\/p>\n

My girlfriend masturbates after sex. why?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

I have been in a relationship for 9 months. I thought sex was good for both of us, but when we were done she told me to take a shower. I wondered why, and now I know. She masturbates. She’s done it many times. I think she’s insatiable. What should I do?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Don’t do anything. Take a shower and let her continue. Such behavior is very common, so you don’t have to worry that she secretly hates making love to you. Many women crave a second orgasm. This is especially true if you become overly excited during sex. Maybe she doesn’t want to bother you with any more pleasure, or maybe she’s afraid you’ll think she’s too demanding. Many people (men and women) find that the type of orgasm they experience during masturbation (for women, often focused on the clitoris) is qualitatively different from the orgasm they experience during a relationship. They found that masturbation produced highly satisfying orgasms without the anxiety that accompanies partnered sex.<\/p>\n

Sex with you can fulfill her in a variety of ways that can’t be replicated while masturbating, but she just so happens to want that extra sex. You could call it \u201cinsatiable.\u201d I’d call her "sexually adept” and you’d be "lucky” because she was so excited for you. You might also consider the possibility of her having true multi-orgasms. If you want to engage beyond your established dating patterns, ask her what exactly she wants you to do for her after you climax. Be prepared to follow orders exactly. Otherwise, you are told to take a shower.<\/p>\n

My boyfriend immediately got turned on and climaxed without even touching me.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Since I’ve been with my boyfriend of two years, he’s started getting erections almost immediately when we’re in the bedroom. Then he finishes very quickly, without any penetration, sometimes without any stimulation. This happens every time. He then almost always finds it difficult to maintain an erection later that night. He suffers from chronic lack of sleep and stress from work, and although he does not drink when we are together, he enjoys drinking. I’m sure he’s attracted to me and sex isn’t that bad, but I wish he could get and maintain erections more regularly.<\/strong><\/p>\n

You are taking in a lot. why? Don’t you think you deserve better or have the right to demand change? Chronic sleep deprivation, alcohol abuse, rapid ejaculation with little pleasure, and anxiety about the attraction he instills in you. I’m trying to understand why you’re putting up with something that’s not good for either of you. There are treatments and solutions to all of these problems, so pay attention to yourself and your needs, and at least let him know that this isn’t working for you. You need to urgently educate him about what you want and gently help him understand that he is engaging in very unhealthy patterns of behavior, both sexually and professionally. This is unnecessary and fixable.<\/p>\n

No matter what my boyfriend does, I can never have an orgasm.<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/svg><\/span> Illustration by Hannah Robinson\/The Guardian<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I am a 24 year old female and I can never orgasm. Sometimes I feel like we’re getting closer. Clitoral stimulation seems to help, but I still can’t get there. My boyfriend feels inadequate because he can’t make me orgasm. I feel broken. What should I do?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Many \u2013 perhaps most \u2013 women only orgasm through very direct clitoral stimulation. Stop trying to achieve orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone and educate your boyfriend about what is real and true for you. Teach him exactly how you like to be touched and try to transfer his false pride in providing orgasms with his penis to the much more useful and appreciated technique of manual or oral clitoral attention. Encourage his efforts, tolerate his early mistakes, and praise him when he gets it right. Rather than trying to fit the myth that "vaginal climax is best,” it’s actually your job to share your exact needs with him, listen to him, and act. Not really, but he may find ways to make you more aroused during intercourse through additional manual contact directly on the clitoris, touching himself, or using sex toys. A man’s desire to orgasm is often based on simple inexperience, poor technique, or the embarrassment of not knowing what to do. If you teach him, he will be very grateful.<\/p>\n

My wonderful wife isn’t putting any effort into our sex life, and I’m losing all interest.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

My wife and I have been married for several years. Over the past six months I’ve felt my overall sexual attraction to her decreasing, and even though she’s absolutely amazing (she might be a model, which almost strangers remind me of every time we go out together), I’m no longer sexually attracted to her.<\/strong>. When our relationship started, sex was okay and we were very sexually active for the first two years. I explained to her that no matter how much energy I had, she lacked enthusiasm. She rarely initiates sex, and when she does, she simply says, "Let’s have sex tonight,” which is annoying. In our last conversation she said she was just shy. After a few conversations she said she understood what she needed to do and that she would try, but pretty soon she was blatantly asking for sex without any effort on her part in the mood or energy, so I just wasn’t in the mood and turned her down again. After two months she got used to avoiding it again. She is a lovely and caring woman, but my patience has waned and our young marriage has become difficult. I don’t know what to do.<\/strong><\/p>\n

When a person feels judged \u2013 especially as often as you described \u2013 they can lose confidence and withdraw. Positive reinforcement is generally the best way to teach people. In your situation, that means praising and rewarding even small achievements and never finding fault again. I think she is confused. Especially if you haven’t been specific enough to her about what you like. It\u2019s not enough to complain, \u201cYou never initiate sex!\u201d Instead, you can mention a video you saw once. A woman unexpectedly walked into the living room wearing "X” or "Y” and then invited the man to follow her upstairs and asked him to consider doing something similar. Your wife can’t read your mind and doesn’t seem to really understand how to be seduced the way you want. So she may need a very specific request, such as: \u201cWould you please do this, say this, wear this?\u201d If she gives in to your request in even the smallest way, praise and reward her generously. Eventually she will regain her confidence. But in terms of her libido, it’s up to you to kindly and non-judgmentally encourage her to share her interests and preferences with you. This may be uncomfortable for her, so don’t force it. Compliment her again and act upon everything she reveals. Your task is to find out how she likes to please. This is the best way to solve this problem.<\/p>\n

I always gave my wife a foot massage and she enjoyed it. But things have changed since I admitted I had a foot fetish. She offered them to me and I used to massage them. I think the moment I admitted that I enjoyed it, she saw it as a zero-sum game and backed off. This wouldn’t be a problem if she was open and honest, but it’s like putting up a wall. Massaging her feet felt like a way to connect. This fetish won’t go away and I don’t want it to. I would indulge in it alone because I am bored with always having sex on her terms. I became bored with everything on her terms.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Deep-rooted fetishes cannot be ignored or banished. Without an understanding or supportive partner, you will continue to feel miserable and frustrated. But sometimes a partner’s avoidance or withdrawal is based on a lack of information or a fear of not being fully acknowledged. Your wife may feel uncomfortable and confused about her role in previously acting out your erotic interest in feet. Talk honestly and kindly with her and find ways to help her understand your needs while also making her feel loved and accepted. She has her own needs, so ask what you can do to give her pleasure. Longevity between couples with different sexual interests is often based on the ability to negotiate equality of pleasure so that neither partner feels anger.<\/p>\n

My wife says we can only have sex on weekends. And it certainly has to be voluntary.<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/svg><\/span> Illustration by Hannah Robinson\/The Guardian<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

My wife and I have been married for over 10 years, but lately our sex drives have been going in different directions. The desire to have sex with her is growing, but this is not reciprocated. She said they can only have sex on weekends, but it shouldn’t be planned as she prefers it to be spontaneous. Considering we have two children with many hobbies and activities and many interests of their own, our opportunities for even planned sex are limited. The thought of lack of intimacy can make you nervous and quite stressful as the weekend goes by. Any suggestion that it can be done on a weekday is immediately rejected. I love my wife deeply and find her much more attractive than when I first met her. But this situation is very difficult and I am not ready to have an unsatisfactory sex life forever.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sex can be an area where couples struggle for power, and this may apply to you and your wife as well. With the stress and uncertainty of your busy life, family responsibilities, it’s no surprise that you’re feeling frustrated and out of options. It’s very possible that your wife is actually making sex impossible because she’s tired, distracted, or overwhelmed. Rather than trying to accommodate her needs or negotiating time for intimacy, I think it’s best to look at the broader picture, which is ideally done through couples counseling. There may be an imbalance between you that is being expressed in the sexual realm, and it will be important to determine the cause before your sex life can be restored.<\/p>\n

My husband’s big penis is destroying our sex life.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

My husband has a large penis and his vulva tears every time we have sex. We use silicone lubricant (it’s water-based and dries too quickly) and avoid certain positions, but it doesn’t help. This is the only advice I’ve found online and I’m too embarrassed to ask my GP for help. This was only my husband’s problem, not my former partner’s. Is there anything else we can do to avoid injury? My sex life has been greatly curtailed because I am nervous about starting anything. My husband is very understanding and gentle and offers oral and manual stimulation, but I miss the intimacy of penetrative sex. We’ve been together for almost 10 years and the tear is getting worse.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Stop allowing infiltration until you can resolve this issue. The tearing and pain will become more severe. In fact, you may already be suffering from vaginismus. Vaginismus is a condition that prevents the vagina from opening and lubricating in preparation for sex because previous pain triggers a protective reflex. There are many options available to make your sex life comfortable and enjoyable again.<\/p>\n

First, the possibility of discussing your husband’s large penis shouldn’t keep you from getting help. You are not alone. Many couples face such problems and do not get help for the same reason. Treatment for vaginismus or self-dilation procedures may be necessary. A good sex therapist can help you with this. Most importantly, you should never allow insertion again until you are completely ready and willing, and you must be confident that insertion will be comfortable.<\/p>\n

I love my boyfriend, but I don’t want to have sex with him.<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/svg><\/span> Illustration by Hannah Robinson\/The Guardian<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I’m 20 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years. I love him so much and missed him constantly when we couldn’t see each other during the pandemic. But when I get a chance to meet him, I don’t want to be intimate with him anymore. I want to curl up and hug you all day. I hate it when he starts kissing me too much because I know that means he wants sex. I don’t like lead-ups and I feel bad because I never instigated them. In the end, I guess I’ll just give it a try. I just don’t see the point. I have never had an orgasm and now I don’t even like being naked or touched. Nonetheless, we get along very well and can see a future together.<\/strong><\/p>\n

It’s a mistake to tolerate sex you don’t really want. Your feelings are valid, including the lack of them. Just performing a movement can lead to developing emotionally costly habits. <\/strong>Bypassing your true feelings to please others. Your need for comfortable touch is just as important as his sexual needs, so do your best to negotiate a more balanced give and take between you. It is also important to find out the reasons for lack of sexual interest in general. Currently, many people are experiencing low sex drive due to fear, anxiety, and depression caused by COVID-19. However, if you have never been attracted to that person and your interest in having sex with him continues over time, this may simply be a sign that he is not right for you or that you could benefit from a sexual wellness exam.<\/p>\n

I was extremely attracted to my brother-in-law and now we were stuck together.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Because of the coronavirus, I am staying at my late mother’s house with my husband, brother, wife and young children. This seemed like a good idea. So we were able to share household chores and child care (two of us still work from home full time). But the situation became uncomfortable because I was so attracted to my brother-in-law. I was hoping this feeling would subside, but it got worse and over the past three weeks I’ve noticed that he seems to be craving me. My husband and I rarely have sex due to his lack of interest, which started after the birth of our second child, so I’m scared and frustrated about what might happen and whether other people in the house will notice the atmosphere between us. How can I stop feeling this way?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Under normal circumstances, erotic tension increases when behavior is disrupted. But now another difficulty has arisen. This is because seeking out risk in non-virus-related ways is a common behavior during this time. Like many other people, you may be unconsciously drawn to risks that are within your control. Recognize this and set firm boundaries. Do your best to never be alone in a room with your brother-in-law. Stop fantasizing about that person. Strengthen your bond with his wife and children. Work on improving your relationship with your husband and reawakening your sex life together. Focus on your children, establish a routine, exercise, calm your mind, and keep your family safe. All this will pass.<\/p>\n

My wife said her ex was a better lover than me and we haven’t had sex since.<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/svg><\/span> Illustration by Hannah Robinson\/The Guardian<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I have lived with my wife for 20 years. For the first few years we had a pretty active sex life, but then suddenly, during an argument, she told me she liked sex better with her ex-husband than with me. We haven’t had sex since. I think it’s because she subconsciously believes that doing so will make her compete to be better than her ex. I attempted to discuss this with her, but she closed the door on that possibility. She also moved into her own bedroom because of my snoring. Is there a way back (or forward)?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Things your partner says in anger that are meant to hurt and humiliate you are not entirely accurate. Don’t take this as truth. The most relevant one is that your wife has pushed you away and withdrawn. And it’s not really about your snoring. As a couple, you have some important repair work to get done. I start by seeking help with your self-esteem and learn how to best start the conversation. I think you can greatly benefit from couples counseling. After hitting a rocky road in a relationship, many people simply withdraw and live miserable lives ever since. Don’t let this happen. Remind your wife that you both once had fun together, and beg her to do your best to work together to salvage that relationship.<\/p>\n

You can’t ejaculate during sex. Is it because I masturbated? <\/strong><\/h2>\n

I enjoy sex with my girlfriend, but I can’t ejaculate during sex. We’ve had sex six times and no matter how hard I try, I still can’t do it. Is my masturbation habit the cause?<\/strong><\/p>\n

There can be many reasons for this relatively common complaint. First, check the side effects of any medications you take, as certain medications can cause orgasm problems. Sometimes men who can’t ejaculate are considered "studs” by their partners because they last so long, but this actually makes such men feel like workhorses and can leave them frustrated and resentful. Does the bell ring? Do you really enjoy sex with your girlfriend all the time? I wonder if I was aroused enough to actually reach orgasm during the thrusting.<\/p>\n

Frequency of masturbation probably doesn’t matter. However, men who are accustomed to seeking self-pleasure in particularly rough ways, such as using strong friction with a towel, sometimes have difficulty reaching climax during intercourse. Because there is no such feeling in the vagina. Seek help from a sex therapist who may be able to make special suggestions for you, and may even offer treatment if your difficulties are based on something else, such as fear or anxiety. Lastly, focus on giving and receiving pleasure instead of worrying about climaxing. Then nature is more likely to take its course.<\/p>\n

My new sex partner is too big for me. What should I do? <\/strong><\/h2>\n

I am a 66-year-old woman who has been married for 11 years out of 30 years. My husband left to live with the woman he was having an affair with, but for several years our marriage had not been going well and our sexual activity had decreased dramatically. I have a boyfriend who is the same age as me and he is friends with benefits, but the benefits are not working. He cannot penetrate me. Either I’m shrunk or he’s just a big young man. (After 30 years of monogamy, I am not at all satisfied with my penis size.) It makes me feel sad and inadequate. We please each other in different ways, but penetration seems impossible. Before consulting a doctor, what am I doing wrong?<\/strong><\/p>\n

You did nothing wrong. In fact, it’s amazing to understand the erotic value of non-penetrative sex. Some men with unusually large penises struggle to find women who will accept them, but it’s unclear whether your friend falls into this category. After a long period of abstinence (most likely due to hormonal decline), some women experience vaginal atrophy that limits penetration with a penis of any size.<\/p>\n

After you have been stimulated through masturbation, consider experimenting with gentle self-penetration (using lubricant). This can help you understand your current genital physiology. However, if you want to feel comfortable being penetrated again, it would be wise to consult a sexual medicine specialist who can help. Common treatments include hormone therapy, sex therapy, and vaginal dilation.<\/p>\n

I met my girlfriend’s parents and realized I had slept with her father once.<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/svg><\/span> Illustration by Hannah Robinson\/The Guardian<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Five years ago, I went through two phases and would sleep with just about everyone I came across, including other men. This changed when I fell in love with a new partner who was everything to me. I recently met her parents and halfway through lunch I realized I had slept with her father. I was going to propose, but he asked me to end it with my daughter while my partner and her mother were away. I am definitely in love. Should I just ignore it or tell my partner?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I’m not sure you’ll have a comfortable future with your new partner. If you tell the truth, disaster will happen. There is a risk of possible separation and permanent discord between father and daughter. and<\/em> father and wife. Hiding the truth will lead to harmful secrecy-keeping, which can be equally destructive in the long run. If this whole family were as open and sexually open as you are, you could be a part of that family. But your ex-lover’s father made it clear that you would not be welcome. Leave now and avoid the enormous pain that will come to your partner, her family, and yourself.<\/p>\n

I masturbate dozens of times a day. Am I addicted?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

I am afraid of becoming addicted to masturbation. I feel incredibly frustrated if I don’t masturbate three or four times a day. On particularly \u201cactive\u201d days, you may masturbate more than a dozen times. I find it very difficult to maintain a relationship because I have little to no sexual desire and find it extremely difficult to maintain an erection. I’ve tried to cut back, but being aloof has a negative effect on me. I am almost in a drunken stupor and sometimes find myself saying inappropriate things to friends or colleagues.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Many experts are uncomfortable with the concept of \u201caddiction\u201d being applied to sex life. Because it means that sex is not inherently a normal, healthy human activity. However, the sexual obsession you describe is a serious condition that requires urgent professional treatment. Sex, including masturbation, is normal and healthy. Unless<\/em> It is carried out in a manner that causes lasting harm or is in any way coercive. And when it negatively impacts a person\u2019s daily life \u2013 as it does in your case \u2013 it becomes a serious problem that needs to be addressed. Persistent compulsions can take many forms other than sexual. For example, touching certain objects, such as doors or light switches, or washing hands frequently may be aspects of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). So, if OCD is expressed sexually, the problem is not the individual’s sexual preference itself, but a treatable "hiccup in the brain.” Get help from a psychologist or join a program based on the 12-step method. Whatever you decide, remember that your basic sexual desires in and of themselves are not evil or abnormal. I just need help with my excessive and compulsive urge to express myself.<\/p>\n

I’m 25 years old and I’ve never been kissed. Did I miss my opportunity? <\/strong><\/h2>\n

I am 25 years old and have never had sex. I’ve never been in a relationship, I’ve never kissed someone, I’ve never held someone’s hand in a romantic way. That has never happened to me. I feel so ashamed about this. As if I had done something wrong. When people ask me why I’ve never had sex, I usually tell them that no one has ever expressed interest. But I hate the fact that people can sometimes tell I’m a virgin without me saying it, and it makes me wonder what the point of revealing it is is.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The only sexual experience I’ve ever had was non-consensual. The first time the boy saw me naked was without my consent. I have also been groped in a nightclub. Men have asked me for sexual favors and told me that they thought of me while they masturbated. But no one has ever initiated consensual intimacy; <\/strong>I was so afraid of doing something wrong that I didn’t. All of this bothers me more and more as I get older, and I can’t shake the feeling that it’s a missed opportunity. I missed the days when people my age were patient and understanding with me. How do you go on a date with a stranger and explain that you’ve never done anything like this before?<\/strong><\/p>\n

You don’t have to reveal your virginity to anyone. At 25, you are still young and many people will think you are just being sensible and focused on other things. Anyway, it’s none of their business. But ask yourself: Are you interested in sex, or are you behaving as expected or conventional? Have you ever felt strong sexual desire for someone, even in fantasy? Have you ever masturbated? If the answer is mainly \u201cno,\u201d stop torturing yourself by comparing yourself to others. You have the right to be yourself. Even if it’s someone who simply doesn’t want to have a sexual relationship with anyone. Above all, don’t let peer pressure force you to do something you don’t want to do. There are no rules for you have<\/em> To lose your virginity.<\/p>\n

I love my boyfriend but I fantasize about being with a woman<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/svg><\/span> Illustration by Hannah Robinson\/The Guardian<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I love my boyfriend so much, but our sex feels unsatisfying and like a chore. I have only climaxed with him once every 18 months and our sex drives never seem to match. But the biggest problem is that I want to be with a woman. I’ve been bi for a few years but the only thing I have is this straight relationship and we are pretty serious. I don’t want to ruin it. At the same time, I long to be with a woman much more than I do with a man, and I fantasize about spending the rest of my life with her. I can see myself doing that with him too, but I’m not nearly as excited about it. We talked about our problems, but nothing changed after months of trying. We want to get better, but physically we don’t seem to be able to.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Some people in your position may be able to negotiate a place for someone else within their primary relationship, but this can be very difficult for everyone involved. But if that’s not an option for you and your boyfriend, you need to decide what you really want in the long run. You are definitely anxious and longing to feel more fulfilled with someone. So I wonder what’s stopping us from exploring other possibilities? Perhaps you value a stable relationship more than your need to be your authentic self sexually. But I’m sure you’ve already realized that not following your true desires can lead to a life of regret and resentment. Find out how you can learn more about what your real needs are and how you can best meet them.<\/p>\n

I’m afraid to tell my new partner what happens when I orgasm.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

I am 37 years old, a single disabled mother, and the mother of 13-year-old twins. I haven’t had sex in over 11 years because I urinate when I orgasm. I also don’t feel attractive because of my wounds and limitations. Now I’ve started dating a guy 9 years younger than me, and although he’s a great guy, I’m scared to have sex with him. How can I talk to him about my concerns so we can begin the next phase of our relationship?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Talk to your doctor about urinary incontinence. There is a solution, and finding one will greatly improve your confidence. It is better to approach the topic of sexual issues playfully and seductively. Try to use humor, and keep in mind that most restrictions are acceptable when mutual sexual desire is strong. You are the one who knows what your sexual desires are and exactly how to achieve them, and it is important that you share that with him if you feel it is possible or inevitable to act on your attraction to each other. Don’t expect him to read your mind. The person probably needs very specific guidance, and a caring person will appreciate that information and be willing to follow along. Don’t forget to reciprocate by asking about his specific sexual needs and doing your best to fulfill them.<\/p>\n

My boyfriend is great and loving, but his penis is small.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

After a series of unsuitable boyfriends, I met a wonderful, lovely man. But he has a very small penis. He can get an erection and we can have penetrative sex, but I often feel almost nothing, even though he is an otherwise sensitive lover. I regret so much that if this were my life partner, I might never be able to enjoy penetrative sex the same way again.<\/strong><\/p>\n

What exactly are your goals in a relationship? Are you looking for the perfect man or the perfect penis? Will you take my word for it that neither exists? The pursuit of complete and complete satisfaction in every way is likely to lead to disappointment, dissatisfaction, and regret. True intimacy and incredibly loving human relationships are defined in part by each person’s ability to see and accept the other’s "failures” and to accept and share their own shortcomings. You’re in the early stages of this new relationship, but it may be very unwise to reject a "great” guy based on the size of his penis. Especially because he is a satisfying lover in a non-invasive way. Most of the nerve endings that help cause pleasure and orgasm are located in a woman’s clitoris, not in the vagina. And over time, desires and bodies change, desires wax and wane. The only reliable criterion for judging your partner’s ability to please you in the long run is his willingness to learn to please you.<\/p>\n

My wife and I are experiencing \u2018lesbian bed death.\u2019 Is there any way to go back?<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/svg><\/span> Illustration by Hannah Robinson\/The Guardian<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

My wife and I are both women in our 60s and have been together for over 20 years. We stopped having sex about 13 years ago for a combination of having a dog (who sleeps with us) and him going through menopause. When I went through menopause about 9 years ago, my sex drive stopped a bit and then came back. She has no interest in sex at all and resents the fact that I have a hoarding problem even though I am in therapy. I think he may be using that as an excuse to withhold affection (even when I ask him, he neither confirms nor denies it). Do you think there is any hope for solving our \u201clesbian bed death\u201d? We’re going to couples therapy, but it doesn’t seem to be helping much.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The \u2018withholding affection\u2019 stance may be a completely conscious or unconscious act. That is, a person is completely devoted to his partner and (as a rule) wants to be intimate, but holds a deep resentment and arrests that desire. I’m glad you’re going to couples therapy because it will help you break the deadlock between you over time and heal a variety of issues that may have arisen in the past. Don’t label lack of intimacy as "lesbian bed death.” Because this blanket phrase can support a helpless attitude. Your partnership is far from clich\u00e9.<\/p>\n

Over the many years you’ve been together, for a variety of understandable reasons, you’ve mutually tacitly agreed to allow dogs, menopause, and life in general to interfere with your erotic connection without you ever finding your way back. The fact that your libido is "back” may be surprising to you, but your partner clearly isn’t ready yet. Be gentle, be patient, be understanding, be open, be attentive… and do the work.<\/p>\n

My young partner wants a 5 hour sex session and I can’t keep up<\/strong><\/h2>\n

I am a 51 year old male and my partner is 40 years old. Six months ago she left a loveless marriage. I enjoy sex, but sometimes it lasts 4-5 hours, and she probably orgasms about the same number of times on average. I have been secretly using Viagra to help me. But I’m afraid she’ll be disappointed or angry if I tell her I’m tired or don’t want to continue.<\/strong><\/p>\n

No matter who says \u201cno\u201d (or \u201cno more\u201d), whether male or female, it truly means \u201cno\u201d and should always be respected. Setting boundaries is very important. I am not surprised that you are using drugs to help. The ability to maintain and maintain arousal can be negatively affected by the psychological effects of feeling pressured to \u201cperform.\u201d However, there are a variety of strategies you can try. Examples include using oral or manual skills, erotic games and role-playing, and using toys. It may also be worthwhile to explore tantric techniques, as some are well designed to extend erotic sessions in a less performance-oriented manner. At least have an honest conversation with her. This begins with reaffirming the pleasure you experience and progresses to explaining that there is a point during these sessions when you stop enjoying it and that you need to take a break, especially when you feel overburdened by performance pressures. In such cases, let your wife know that you need her understanding and respect.<\/p>\n

You don’t like the way your partner smells.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

I have been with my partner for over 3 years. We have a great relationship and do our best to make each other feel held, loved, and heard. We moved in together last year and have formed a great partnership at home. We also have regular date nights and the sex is still great. But I don’t like the way he smells. He doesn’t smell bad. It’s just that his natural smell isn’t what I like. This is not the body odor you get when you run or lift weights. It’s not conscious. There is just a physical reaction that says, \u201cThat\u2019s not my job.\u201d Sometimes I wonder if this speaks to something deeper. Do you need to be drawn to the scent of someone you love?<\/strong><\/p>\n

People have different priorities when it comes to what brings them closer to their partner. Many people are very visually oriented and need an attractive presentation. Some are kinesthetic, meaning they respond best to the feel of human touch. You seem to have an olfactory sense, so smell is very important to you. Additionally, a person’s natural scent contains chemicals such as pheromones, which are important components of attraction biology. I wouldn’t be surprised if you have some regrets about setting up home with someone you don’t feel physically connected to. But I wonder why you decided to do that. Perhaps it would be a good idea to ask yourself a few questions: idea<\/em> Do you enjoy being with someone like your partner more than you actually enjoy being intimate with that person? Have you ever felt strongly attracted to someone…and liked the way they smell? Did you like the way your partner smelled at the beginning of your relationship? So when did it change? Is there a perfume he could use, like an aftershave, that you might like better? It’s also possible that your partner’s smell is associated with a medical condition that requires treatment. investigate<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My wife gave up on the idea of \u200b\u200ba threesome and I was upset. My wonderful new wife is everything I have always looked for in a woman. The problem is that she is openly and proudly bisexual. When we first got into a relationship, she even joked that she didn’t want me to get […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[9544,13778,14537,48702,14542],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18481","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-and-style","category-relationships","category-sex","category-sexual-health","category-sexuality"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/umang.pk\/ur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18481","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/umang.pk\/ur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/umang.pk\/ur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/umang.pk\/ur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/umang.pk\/ur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18481"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/umang.pk\/ur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18481\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/umang.pk\/ur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18481"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/umang.pk\/ur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18481"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/umang.pk\/ur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18481"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}