I do not think you really wanted children. But they were important to my mother, and you loved her very much.
Parents who adopted a child in their 60s did not have advice on how to care for a new baby. The couple was deemed to be married and respected, so I checked all the boxes. I would have been shocked when I arrived at my 6 week old sick and suburban home. My mother was up for the chance. Unfortunately, this is not the way you imagined to be your child. And it just got worse.
I was loud and lively. You were quiet and kind. The door to your study was closed and I was told not to bother you.
When I was six years old, my mother told me that my real mother didn't protect me. I secretly reconciled that it was a matter of time before my new parents felt the same and abandoned me. I was more troubled trying to find my place.
As I got older, my mother said it was her fault that she could not have children and had early menopause. After 40 years, I approached the adoption file and learned the truth. You have been diagnosed with almost complete Asperia, which failed to produce sperm, which means that you are unlikely to have children. Did you ask your mother to take responsibility to protect your pride? I wonder if you secretly upset me with constant public notifications about what you couldn't do.
One thing I know is that your self has caused the distance between us. You not only wanted a daughter like you; You wanted a daughter to admire a carefully constructed academic figure. Gentle and gentle, easily molded. You should have been right and made you wrong. In one of our frequent debates, you pushed me against the wall and yelled at my face: “You are the only reason your mother and I claim!”
I can see that we longed for the same thing – who we were and respected for what we achieved. I also wanted to feel loved. Maybe you are too. In your death bed, I said I love you "good." It seems we have disappointed each other to the end.
• You pay £ 25 for every letter we issue. Email [email protected] with your address and phone number. We can only answer those we will contribute.